A Short Goodbye

I often thought about this post that I would one day have to write. The day is finally here. I often thought of things I’d like to include and what I wanted to say about my time in Siem Reap. But now that the time is actually here…  Nothing even matters to me about what I say. I’m lost for words but have so much I want and need to say. Cambodia does that to me. It makes me this different person that I never wanted to be or thought I was capable of being. It makes me vulnerable. It makes me cry. It makes me a more understanding person. Of course I want to be more understanding. But I don’t want to be vulnerable or cry. But Cambodia makes me want to be better. It makes me want to do more for other people.

From the moment I arrived here all I’ve spoken about is the wonderful people I’ve met. Meeting new people has always been something I’ve loved doing. But this trip has taken that to a whole new level. The people I’ve walked this journey with have blown my mind. Both the new faces I’ve met and the old friends I’ve been reunited with. From meeting Florian when I first arrived, the kindest greatest man in the world, to shortly after meeting the fabulous Romayne and Theresea. We didn’t know it at the time, but it would be these three people that would join our SOC team and work together for a common goal; to help the kids we love. I hope the three of you know how blessed I feel to be working with you. The universe really did bring us together for a reason. I look forward to our January reunion! Then there was the unbelievable Duncan Stewart. Duncan… there are still no words for how grateful I am for you as a person. I’ve never known anyone so completely and utterly selfless. Never will I meet someone with the size of your kind heart. Your presence is felt in SOC every single day. You and Savong are the men behind all of this. Then there was Amir and Dilshad, members of the Savong Foundation board, you brought with you a wealth of information and opened my eyes in so many great ways. I’ve recently had the absolute pleasure of meeting Phil, Director of the Savong Foundation. I haven’t had a lot of time with you, but the time we have spent together has been fantastic, the laughs especially. The people I’ve met have really opened up my eyes in so many ways. I thank all of you for the real love and support that you’ve shown me. It’s been beyond anything I can express.

There have been so many of the most incredible memories here, none that I can go into because I would be here for the next 3 days writing about them all. I know my life will never be the same again, I knew that from the first time I stepped foot in Cambodia in 2009. Cambodia changed me, and my life that is to come. Whilst this isn’t really goodbye, it is a farewell just for a short time. In fact, I actually will be back in about 1 week. I can’t stay away in Thailand for the long time I was going to be, I don’t want to be away from this place, this is my home. I feel homesick and I’m not even away yet. I don’t know why it’s hard to leave when I’m going to be back sooo soon. I think it’s because this is all I’ve known for the past 5 months. Every day I’ve woken up in this room, gone downstairs and eaten breakfast with the girls, gone to SOC, worked, came home to many many smiling faces, eaten dinner with my family then came to my room. Packing up this room has been devastating, a time I didn’t think would ever come. To think that five months has been and gone scares the hell out of me. The fact that today is here already… it’s scary. It’s scary that on the 20^th of January I will be saying goodbye for good. I literally have butterflies in my stomach as I’m typing this. I’m shaking, I don’t want to go to SOC today. I don’t want to say goodbye to my kids. I’m worried about their reactions, and then my own. Today there’s a big party at SOC, hopefully because I’ll be leaving half way through it, that it will make it easier. I might even just slip out without saying too many goodbyes. I think it’ll be so much easier.

I have learned more in this past 5 months than I think I have learned in my 19 years of life so far. I’ve learned about how to run an NGO, a business, an orphanage, but most of all, a family. I’ve been reminded of what is really important in life. I always knew that family was number 1, because for me that’s always what has come first in my life. But what I think I learned the most about this trip, has been love. I’ve learned the importance of showing love to others, and feeling love in return. These people and this country hast this sense of love that I didn’t know before. When there are hundreds and thousands of people in the same streets that show you the same love, there’s something unexplainable about that. The kids have taught me the most unconditional sense of love, I can’t bring words to say what I need to say about them.

That brings me to the kids… I’m going to start tearing up talking about them. Every morning I turn up at SOC and have 51 kids who run to greet me. At the end of the day they’re chasing me out of the gate, pulling me back in, waving goodbye. Throughout the day I still feel that same love. Even when I have to be the bad guy and be tough with them, 5 minutes later it’s happy families again. The kids have been everything and more to me and I cannot begin to explain how hard it is to leave after this long of being with them. They’re the reason I come here time and time again. I know so much about them and they know about me. I know what makes each of them tick, I know what makes them happy or sad. I know their stories, what they’ve been through… I’m so protective of them. They’ve taught me so much more than I could ever teach them. I hope that one day they know just how much they’ve done for me, how much they’ve changed me. I love them more than words.

Now I get to Savong… The man who has single handedly changed my life. I’ll forever be grateful for absolutely everything he’s done for me. He’s looked after me far better than I’ve often looked after myself. He’s saved my arse big time when I let my visa expire (2 months over due!) and he’s been my family. It hasn’t always been easy. I’ve seen what he has to deal with every day and gone through it with him. Through it all though, I’ve had the same respect for him as I always have and always will. This is the most selfless, kind hearted man I’ll ever know. Everything he does is for his children. I’ve never known someone who works as hard as he does. If I can be half the person he is someday, I’ll be really happy with that. Savong, thank you for absolutely everything. For what you do for me, for what you do for the children, for this NGO… for everything. You are incredible beyond all words and you are my inspiration. I’m never going to know anyone like you. You’re far more than the Director of this NGO. To me you’re family. From day one you’ve been my family and that’ll never change.

Cambodia, you’ve been beyond amazing. I’m only gone for a few days so try not to miss me too much. I know my blog has been out of action for three weeks. The truth for that is because one of my greatest friends of all time has been here and honestly, we’ve been having so much fun I can’t even bring myself to write about everything at the end of each day. We’ve turned Siem Reap upside down and Siem Reap, for that we are truly sorry. We’ve been on national Radio, we’ve made friends, we’ve wasted every single Saturday we’ve had together.. sleeping off hangovers. We’ve managed to go out almost every Friday and Saturday night and cause nothing less than absolute mayhem. Getting kicked out of clubs, trying to jump off bridges and go for a swim at 4am, trying to run away from the over-protective army that comes everywhere I go, but miserably failing when I start running the wrong way. We managed to end up with more cuts and bruises than I’ve had in my whole life, those I will take with me for a while – literally, these bruises have been with me for too long now. Hell, I even ended arse up in a prickle bush. Big Doo we’ve got the whole country calling us Big Doooos. Siem Reap will never be the same again.

I hope that the everlasting impression that Cambodia has made in my life is a reflection of what is to come. I hope that in just a small way I have managed to make a small difference to these children and this NGO. If nothing else I hope I brought them even a fraction of the joy that they’ve brought me. I didn’t come here with a clear plan of what I wanted to do for this NGO, just that I wanted to help. I hope I’ve done that. I feel as though we’ve come sooooooooooooo far from July 10^th 2013, so far that I couldn’t even begin to explain it now.

For all that have followed my journey, THANK-YOU! This blog has been such an outlet and it’s been something I’ve loved to share with you all every day. Cambodia has been amazing in every way and it always will be amazing, so to share that has been really special. To everyone back in Melbourne, and ALL over the world for that matter, who have shown me this indescribable love from afar… it’s unmatched and I truly mean that. To have so many people showing me so much love.. I can’t begin to explain how great that’s been. So thank-you.

Well, I should stop now… I have to keep packing up my room. I’ve said before that every time I leave Cambodia a bigger piece of my heart and soul stays here. But this time I’m physically leaving 4 bags of clothing that I cannot fit in my suitcase.  I’ll have to send it all back when I’m back from Thailand… But in all honesty, my physical body flies out  to Phuket tonight. My heart is here though. Maybe this will be the trip that really captures me completely. I always kind of hope that when I return to Cambodia I’ll retrieve those pieces of me that were “left behind”. The opposite happens and a bigger piece stays. Maybe one day it’ll come back, and maybe it never will. Either way, Cambodia will always have my heart.

Dear Siem Reap, don’t ever change.

Peace & Love and all things Cambodian,
Alex